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Sweet Nothings

my thoughts toboggan in a hundred directions thinking
of what your lips would feel like against my ear (pressed
against every inch) how the words would be different
when said directly to my skin

“je veux te baiser”

ultra-suede nothings, getting caught in my throat as
the blush rises on my cheeks (pink flares like struck
matches)
tu me fais brûler seulement avec de mots, et
il est plus facile de se cacher dans une autre voix

with confessions come clarity
(temporarily blinded from opening my eyes for the
first time since I closed them against wonder) your words
turned into ice cubes in my hands as you thrust them
to me,
slipping from my grasp and sliding down my arms, giving
me shivers and gasps of white breath that got caught in
my teeth (biting down the words before they got tangled
in my lungs like barbs)

je suis désolé (tidal waves of icy water rush to consume
me) je suis terrifié (my thoughts spiralling out with the
waves I didn’t mean to invite) je suis coincé (filling in
my lungs, my throat closing up, choking on my own
flightless voice, my feet knocked out from under me)

je ne sais pas quoi faire, je ne sais pas quoi dire
I didn’t know (how beaten down I still feel) until you
said it (“Yes!”) it’s obvious (thousands of thoughts
like fireworks exploding in my veins, setting me on fire,
making me burn,
the bruises along my spine staining black and purple once
more like Rorschach stories –
God! I’m! –)
je pense que je veux faire plus de te faire foutre

with confessions come clarity
trying to drown myself just to say I have control, setting
fire to my own pyre just to say it was my idea (pink
blushes bleed out to blue lips) burying myself alive to shut
out the velvet nothings I’m too battered to want
écrire un poème que je puisse dire que je ne suis pas un lâche

 

© – Rebecca Tanton 2013

 

Image from Alex McLeod. To Contact Alex or to view more of his work, click here.